I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
