guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
