We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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