You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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