3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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