CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
