This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
