This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
