great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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