i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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