I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
