my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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