Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
