4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
