i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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