i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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