btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
