This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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