I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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