My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
