so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
