I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
