I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
