his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
