you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
