HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
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I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
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That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize