I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
