i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Randomize
