was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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