Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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