i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
