The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
