I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
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Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
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I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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