Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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