thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sober January is a disaster.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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