I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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