it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
