after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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