Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize