Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Two words: blizzard sex
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
