hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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