he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
