i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
