saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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