Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
