What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
