the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
