that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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