i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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