Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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