i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
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Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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