you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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