K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
