Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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