I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
