It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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