party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
kristin has been a bad kristin
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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