Slut skills are useful in every country.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
