why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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