OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
