Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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