I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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