The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
