So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
