I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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