Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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